Expectancy Builds Trust

     The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts. 

Bertrand Russell

     The Toltec wisdom teaches that there are only two things that can "go wrong' in relationship. 1. Expectations 2. The need for validation of rightness. I've been working with people for more than a decade and we have not been able to come up with anything that doesn't fit into these two categories. I think we  can understand that our need for rightness is rooted in our own insecurity. If I am firm in my belief, why do I need you to affirm it for me? Your belief doesn't have to threaten mine. Your belief doesn't have to contradict mine. If I wish to have the right to my own belief then I must allow you yours and we can learn to deal with that when we understand that our perception of reality is relative, uniquely our own, and take responsibility for our own.
     Expectation in relationship is, in my opinion, much more tricky. I've found that people tend to give what they hope to receive and are under the illusion the people they are in relationship with understand what they want, want the same thing and are willing to give them that for which we ask. If those expectations aren't met, they question the others intent. But we all have emotional weak-points and energy/emotion, will always flow to its weakest point. A theif will be afraid someone will steal from him and a liar afraid she'll be lied to. Perception, reality is now in question and, I think, the real question is what are we asking people to do for us, what void are we asking them to fill, and why are we not able to fill the void within ourselves?
     I understood the idea of expectancy, and I love it, after reading The Shack. I can live with expectations of my relationship with you but that creates a success or fail scenario. The expectations are either met or not met and then there are repercussions. If I live in expectancy of our relationship, it is wide open! I may see you tomorrow or I may see you 20 years from now but our relationship will remain the same. I can ask you to protect my weak-points and I can offer to protect yours. Only then are we creating a foundation together,  a foundation upon which a strong and solid relationship can be build, and that is a foundation of trust.